Thursday, April 27, 2006

Where'd you go? I miss you so. Seems like it's been forever. That you've been gone.

Hello there. Writing to you. Just to ask you how you feel. And how we fell apart. Do you think about me? Do you miss your little sisters? When you lay your head down, how do you sleep at night? Do you even wonder if we're alright? It's been a long long road, without you by my side. We spent our childhood days together. After what seemed an eternity, we went our way. Worst, without a backward gaze. The love and laughter that we shared, in my heart will never be lost. I used to think about you and what we were going to do when i was a little. Are we growing up to be the same? Only god knows why i need you.

Where'd you go? I miss you so. Seems like it's been forever. That you've been gone.

Where were you when i needed you the most? My O's are just around the corner. Ever since you made that big mistake, everything have changed. Our family. Everything's different. Why didn't you think before doing something? You knew it was wrong all along. And yet you gave in to him. Now you have a child to bear and families to raise, we lived our lives apart. How could you do this?
I HATE YOU !!

I was also dumb back then. Why do i keep it to myself when i found out? Why do i think that you were able to solve your problem before the 9 months is up. You should have been responsible for it. You were only 17. I remember the days you were the greatest sister in my eyes. But those were just a long lost memory of mine. You did not set a good example for your younger siblings.
I HATE YOU !!

Now that you only come home fortnightly or maybe twice a month. Sometimes, i even forgot that i had a sister who's 19 now. Then i am the one who has bigger responsibility and bigger expectations because mum and dad knew they can no longer depend on you. The world is turning to me now. I may have all the freedom for nightlife and stuffs, but sometimes i hate myself because i go out too much. There will always be this guilt feeling whenever i step a foot outside. Why? I do not want to be the girl i used to be. Going out till late night, smoke, get myself drunk, involved in fights, shoplifting, had tattoos because i mixed with the bad company that almost destroyed my future. I deprived a sister's love. I swear i am lucky enough to realise my mistake and change before it was too late. God must have sent an angel to protect me.
I HATE YOU !!

And then there's this JC relief teacher in my school who's 19, just like you. She even looks like you, perhaps a little. I don't know why whenever i looked at her, she reminds me of you. I just hope she wouldn't feel weird if i stare at her or something. I even said i miss her to Mrs. Khiu cause it's you that i see through her. I had always imagined having a sister who goes to JC and then continue studying. Wouldn't it be great if you were to be just like her?

Well, is it too late now? I guess there's nothing to salvage.
Sometimes i forgive. Yeah and this time, i'll admit. That i love you, said i miss you, sister.

insanely madness*; at 7:39 PM